Friday, April 15, 2016

Needs vs. Wants

Since I’ve been unemployed, I feel really guilty about buying things that are ‘wants’ more than ‘needs’. I think I can live a much simpler and organized life if I can stick to just ‘needs’. How do you curtail your ‘wants’?

And there are things that sort of come in-between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’. Like a 2 cup Pyrex glass measuring cup. I have a 1 cup one. I bought a 2 cup plastic one but found that it isn’t accurate. I could have kept using just the one cup. But a 2 cup one makes cooking ‘easier’. I can even break an egg in a 2 cup, beat it with a small beater in the cup, then put a cup or more of other liquid ingredients and adjust if necessary (when the egg turns out to be less than 1/4 cup).

Another thing that I consider as in-between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ is pierces. I might find maybe a pair of pierce that I like once a year. I don’t go hunting for them so when I find one it’s a serendipitous encounter that I might not be able to reproduce (like finding one at a travel destination). If I don't get it then, I might never be able to get the exact one. A pierce can elevate my mood. It’s not a necessity but has benefits to my well being.

                                     (By Dana Payne & By Pål Berge from Bryne, Norway, via Wikimedia Commons)

Things that are ‘wants’ are books, music, rarely a piece of clothing (ex., a Denver Bronchos Super Bowl championship sweatshirt when I already have enough sweatshirts).

Maybe I need to have a budget for my ‘wants’? Maybe I should decide how often I can purchase from my ‘wants’ list?

I cook most of the meals but I don’t create recipes. I rely on recipes on the web and books. So to pay tribute to all the food bloggers and people who contribute recipes out there, I’m  posting recipes that I’ve recently tried and liked.
In March I’ve made:

Irish Brown Bread: so far the best recipe I’ve tried for Irish brown bread.
Irish Butter Cookies: Nutty, Buttery, and crispy

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Depression and Sexuality

Sexuality and Depression

According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, ’on average, 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner’, ‘nearly 2 million women raped in a year.

‘Rape’ is a strong word and I’m not comfortable using that word for my experience. But if rape means ‘sexual intercourse against one’s will’, it would fit the bill.

About a decade ago when I did not have the diagnosis of depression, the incident happened. Looking back, I’m sure I was depressed at the time. My partner wanted sex and reached out to me. I just remember thinking, ‘no, no’ in my mind, not being able to react in any way. I was just lying there. My partner maybe didn’t realize that I wasn’t reacting at all. He reached climax and then rolled over and went to sleep pretty quickly. It was unusual, in the sense that usually he lingers afterwards.

I think it is due to that experience, I started thinking men just want to have sex to get pleasure; that it probably didn’t even matter who they are with; they just need a warm body.

The thought did not turn me away from sex immediately. But whenever there was a discord in sexual communication, the idea would return, each time gaining more power. I wish I could do away with the thought. I wish that that incident didn’t happen or that I could go back to the pre-incident set of mind.

Having depression doesn’t help. It’s said that with depression, you have decreased libido. Which is understandable since you just don’t find interest in doing anything with depression. But on the other hand, most of the antidepressants have side effect of decreased libido. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. 

Sexual intercourse became an obligation. I totally wouldn’t mind if I never had another one.