Thursday, March 3, 2016

Emotional Quandary - Differences in Life Goals

The last 2,3 weeks have been difficult. Do you have expectations for your partner’s career when you get married?

I did. And just recently, after close to 10 years of marriage, I realized that his goal was different from what I assumed it was. To be honest, I was upset, disappointed. I questioned if what I’ve done had affected his manner; if I had worked harder would he have worked harder; am I as mediocre professionally as he is, is that why we are together?

But then, couple of things occurred to me. 
  1. It was my ‘assumption’ no matter what he said or did.
  2. Reaching a certain hight in career is not in everyone’s life goals or means to an end. 
  3. He is the same person I married: gentle, patient, knowledgable.
  4. It’s not like I don’t waste time surfing on the web so who am I to throw stones?

Nothing has changed. I was the fool, making assumption. I also came to the conclusion that for our dreams to come true, I need to do a lot more in my career. We have so far lived wherever he gets a job but that might not get us where we want to be.

By hobvias sudoneighm, via Wikimedia Commons

But I’m still bitter. He hasn’t taught summer courses for the last 7 years and was able to work on his hobby (I thought it was his 2nd job but it doesn’t seem like it anymore). He has taken trips 2,3 times a year (national and international) and bought pretty pricy softwares for his hobby/2nd job. While I worked year around and took on house-work as my job, my 2nd job so that he has enough time for his jobs.

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